bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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