Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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