Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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