this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize