so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
