If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
