If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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