Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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