So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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