Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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