i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
