This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
