I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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