you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dicks are not precious.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
