I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
