i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
