In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
