He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
