Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
