I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
