I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
