My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
