I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
