I wish I only lived at night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
