Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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