Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
