take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
