I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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