and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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