Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
