o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want her autograph on my taint
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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