if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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