Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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