Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
