You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
