a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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