You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
