And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
