Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
