so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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