I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
