Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
