Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
