So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
