would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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