I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up under a house in Key West
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