Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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