I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
