help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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