You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
