good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize