Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
