yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
