Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
