I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
