your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i think my cat just said my name.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
