the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
