Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
