he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im part way to drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
