Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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