i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
