i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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