you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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