The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
