I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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