The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
