I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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