Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm always down for nudity.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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