Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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