how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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