There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
