i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i have herpe
just one?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
